California Girl: Duck River Edition - Turning 78

1 Seventy-eight years arrived this week.  In that time, I've collected a lot of experiences yet I find I remain a very ordinary person who simply had her fair and unique share of roads traveled many of which should have been ignored.  Be that as it may, a distillation of these many years has shown me that I have been gifted with more than many.  I'm so grateful that I got this far.  I'm grateful for a long marriage.  I'm grateful for two children, six grandchildren, and I am abundantly grateful for the choices my children made when they chose their mates.  I love them as my own and I believe they love me.

I thank God for my many years wherein I came to love myself despite the ill-advised choices of my younger self. I am precious in God's eyes and that unconditional love broke through my darkness and set me back on the road of love.  I learned that while life may sometimes be difficult, as long as I have family at the heart of me, I will always be safe.

A few years ago, at the urging of my friend, Sr. Darlene, I started learning how to live in the present.  That simple first step reaped great benefits. I learned that the past can be used as a weapon.  Its wielder is not only the Evil One, but also myself when I let the sadness of the past overwhelm me.

I always felt ambivolent about Pope Francis, yet it was he, through his writings, who lead me to write this essay on worldly dangers to avoid.  Never forget. The prince of the world is Satan.  I learned to not fear him, to in fact, name him.  He is truly the prince of liars.  

I learned a few things that definitely needed some polishing. Foremost is my tendancy to procrastinate.  My husband, God love him, would argue that and point out that procrastination is actually my middle name.  He is no doubt right.  My circular manner of doing things, of accomplishing tasks, great and small; my delaying way of reaching a goal inevitably leads me to the quesiton  "Why didn't I do this sooner?  It took so little time to accomplish."  Why, indeed.

In my 78 years, I've learned to talk to God first.  It doesn't always happen that way - old habits, etc. etc. - but I get there eventually and at this stage of my life, if I don't turn to Him first, I get there a lot faster than earlier in life.  There are no real answers without Him guiding me.  When I'm troubled and falling into a pit of my own making, a quiet "Hail Mary" pulls me back.  The Mother of us all never fails to calm me.  

Avoid narcissism.  It makes us selfish and prideful.  Don't be a victim. God and the people around us understand more than we might think.  And then there is pessimism.  At heart, I'm an optomist but in my long life, I have often been at war with its opposite, always expecting the worst.  And why is that?  Well, since this essay is a celebration of many years rather than a confessional, I'll save that for another time.  Maybe.

I learned not to entirely rely upon myself.  I learned early that gossip is poison.  And, finally, be not judgemental.  To judge is to lack the capacity for kindness.  Do not live in regret.  The "if onlys" of life will only stall one in living a joyful life.  Do not be consumed by fear and hatred, twin sisters that rot us from within.  Do not be indifferent; do not settle; do not accept just getting by.

Pray

Move through life

Shake up your routine

Resist giving in. Be Bold.

I've  learned that we can't avoid loss. I am fortunate that I didn't suffer losing loved ones until I was much older.  Lately though, the losses have been piling up.  Since January I've had to say good-bye to Mike, Dennis, Jim and Rebecca.  It's been a hard year.  My list of souls to pray for has grown a great deal this year snd each loss has taken me one step closer to acknowledging that I am drawing near to membership on that list.  I pray that God finds me worthy, when the time comes.

But, as I await that inevitable conclusion, I will not watch life go by.  I will DO life.  I will get my hands dirty. I will continue to openly share my love for God and the role He plays in my life.  I won't shy away from it even if I find myself swimming against the currents of the world around me.

I was called a daydreamer in my youth and for too long thought it was something shameful, something that needed to be purged and corrected.  I believe this is the source of my procrastination, of my inability to stay on task for very long.  I do.  I think. I do again. Repeat.  Had I viewed my daydreaming in a more positive light, my life might have been very different, I'm sure.  But I've lived a life without regret.  Mistaken actions of the past aren't weapons to be used against me, they are lessons.  Those action and lessons led me to where I am today, in a coffeeshop reflecting on the goodness of family.  In the end, there are no wrong choices.  They are simply lessons that make me grateful for what I have.